Monday, April 09, 2007

True Happiness

I'm convinced that TRUE happiness comes when we're serving others.
As a stay-at-home-mom, I am really left with little "alone time". Even during potty breaks, I am guaranteed a visitor of some sort. And now that Arianna's no longer needing regular naps, my alone time got zapped to even shorter stints.
So anyways... back to the topic at hand. One of the top job requirements of my position as a Domestic Engineer is "service". From wiping off peanut butter on little faces and fingers to disinfecting the toilet with a 10 ft. pole to making spaghetti for dinner (again), I am serving my husband and my children.
To be honest, for the majority of my mothering years I have begrudgingly served my family. I was really only doing it out of obedience to God ("Don't smite me!") because I didn't FEEL like serving anyone. What I really wanted was a vacation from it all to do whatever pleased and suited me (like I had done the first 23 years of my life). In nine months after getting married, it went from "me" to "three". And in the next 3 years, the equation went on to include two more children.
WHAT ABOUT ME?!!!- was the cry of my heart for the past 5 years.
This Saturday was an eye-opening experience for me. Bless RD's heart, he gave me all the alone time I thought I wanted/needed. I went to a ladies Bible study, I went tanning, I piddled about the house doing this and that, I blogged... all while he watched the kids for me. I thought it was FABULOUS. Basically, the first half of the day was all about me me me. And I loved it.
Until later that afternoon...
I found myself taking my alone time for granted. I found myself completely ungrateful for RD's babysitting. I found myself whining and complaining about all sorts of crazy stuff. It was like the "all about me" switch got turned on and I found myself miserable. I was given what I wanted and it wasn't enough.
I realized for the first time that I am truly happiest when I am serving other people rather than myself.
Believe me, I still need alone time. But, I think next time I am blessed with an extensive break such as 1/2 a day off, I'm going to give thanks to God rather than think "sheesh... it's about time I get a break". Instead of relishing in having it "all about me", I want to think about how I can bless others after I'm rejuvenated.

Please forgive me, God, for being ungrateful for the "breaks" in motherhood You graciously give. I took it for granted, God, that I had some time off on Saturday to relax and rejuvenate myself. I'm sorry I had such a selfish attitude about it. Thank You for such a wonderful, loving, and caring husband. I am so undeserving. May I look to You with an attitude of gratitude next time I'm blessed with alone time. May I use my renewed strength to serve You by serving others, especially my family. Amen.

1 comment:

Unchained said...

Melissa, I found this blog through Megan's. It's good to be able to see how things are for you. I didn't know you had more than one child! It's great, isn't it? And sometimes a little tiring, but more often great!

Anyway, hope you don't mind me reading....just saying hello!