Wednesday, April 14, 2010

How we're doing.


We are doing well, considering the circumstances. We have absolutely been showered with love, prayers, help, food, childcare, etc. We had no idea so many people cared! People have been literally coming out of the woodwork to help when and where they can. We were afraid people would be nervous talking and being with us because they wouldn't know what to say. WE don't even know what to say!!! It's just soooo incredibly healing to talk and be with people.

Physically, I am healing like any other delivery. We were concerned at first about infection but have been blessed with a quick recovery. My breasts are still very very tender as they are engorged with milk. But I've been drinking sage tea (bleh- it tastes like liquid pine needles) and wearing tight fitting bras. From what I've read and heard, I should dry up within the week. It'll be soooo nice when the physical reminders of what happened go away.

The preliminary autopsy revealed that Francesca was a completely healthy and normal baby. No genetic disorders. No cord problems. The doctor doing the autopsy said "this was an act of God". At first, I was SO angry! WHAT?!!! Our baby was fine?!!! How and why did she die then?!!! But we realized that if something had been wrong with her, we would have to get genetics testing and any future pregnancy would be terribly frightening as we'd wonder if this baby would die, too. We know we can get pregnant, sustain pregnancy, and have healthy children. This was ordained by God from eternity past to happen. She was HIS child!

RD and I have NO idea why this happened. But God in all His mercy and grace has shown us in more ways then we can count that this was providential. The timing of it all, the birth process itself, people being at the right time at the right place, etc. This was meant to happen. We have no doubt or question about that! Hopefully in the near future when I get a chance to put this all down into words, I'll share the many many many ways we have seen this as providence.

There is this amazing company that does photo restoration specifically for stillbirth or babies that die soon after birth. It's called Baby Angel Pics. It's a free service! The photos we have of her are... unpleasant. So we are simply thrilled to do this! Perhaps we may catch a glimpse of what she could or would have looked like...

We have decided to cremate her and keep the ashes. A Memorial Service for Francesca is scheduled for Saturday April 24 at 11am. For anyone interested in information about the service, in contributing to her Memorial Fund, or sending cards/flowers/gifts, please email me at: growthasawifeandmom(at)yahoo(dot)com.

We thank you for all the many prayers that you have been lifting up on our behalf. And we are soooo appreciative of the support and love you have shared.

Some things you can specifically be praying for are:
1- that RD and I don't mentally go off into left field thinking wrong thoughts about this situation. Pray that we remain grounded on the truth we know to be true: that our God is a good God and that He uses evil for good; that He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.
2- for RD and I's marriage to remain strong, that this would in fact bring us closer as a couple to one another and to God.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Hi Melissa,

We've never met, but we have a mutual friend named Carmin. She recently e-mailed me and asked me to check out your blog and pray for you and your family during this difficult time. I have never been pregnant or had a miscarriage, so I can't relate to your specific situation. I can only imagine the sense of loss you must feel.

My experience with infertility has taught me a lot about God's timing and grace, and as a result I've been able to have a ministry of encouragement with women who have fertility problems. Whether or not I'll have to right words to say to you - I'm not sure, but I do want you to know that I will regularly uplift you in prayer from this point on.

A pastor whom I highly respected once told me that perhaps my barrenness was a gift. God knew He could entrust it with me because He knew I would eventually be able to turn over the bitterness and trust Him with the details. It sounds rather strange, but once I began to look at my circumstances as something God knew He could entrust me with, I was able to move forward. Obviously God knew He could trust you and your husband with this circumstance. He chose you to carry little Francesa Rose for 38 weeks. Right now it must be so hard to sort through the "why?" of it all. In time, you will be able to perhaps help others. You've already mentioned in your post about how you can see certain things as God's providence. Perhaps there were certain people you had to meet and minister too that you wouldn't have met any other way. It is often hard to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but someday you will see it. I know I'm "preaching to the choir" because I can see God's at work in you just from reading your post. He will turn this into something wonderful somehow in His time and in His way.

May His peace be with you and your family today as you prepare for Little Francesca's funeral.

Blessings,
Sarah
www.canneyland.wordpress.com

Cn8dnchick said...

What a beautiful post, Sarah! Melissa, I am praying for you and holding your family near to my heart. I was thinking today about how they say time has no meaning in Heaven- and how 1,000 yrs can be the blink of an eye. So think of Francesca Rose smiling happily into the face of Jesus, and by the time she turns her head to see if Mommy and Daddy are there...you will be :)